I'm fucking pissed. Rebecca, this is for you.

Alright so listen up your my friend. I've tried helping you in situations with J and B. Rebecca, what u told me, last night really upset me. You have a great boyfriend. sure he's made mistakes but who hasnt? I can tell by the way you speak of him that you really do love him. However, when u told me what happened between you and B that made me think your taking J for-granted. Your in a committed Long distance relationship. It's something i would DIE for. You really have no idea. I love matt. ALOT. I would kill to be with him. Even if its long distance. But that wont happen for me. You have it honestly yeah im a tad jealous of that. Cause u have something i sooo desperately want. and ur taking it forgranted....kissing other guys when u have someone who loves u. It's fucked up.

Sounds like Your Just Some Stuck up Asshole to Me

So at work we listen to country mostly, i love country im a huge fan Jason Aldean is my ultimate favorite male artist but its hard to choose a female. However today on some downtime i had while rolling silverware this song came on the radio...now before u read on any further listen to the song. Thanks to 'Imeem' i managed to hesitantly embed it into this blog post. so give it a listen so i know if were on the right page..........Now,this song, i do give it some credit it does sound like someones in the gutter and needs help getting out. It does sound like life. however as i thought more into the song i noticed a tone. a "i dont really give a fuck cause im stinkin rich" tone. and then that just pissed me off. because i thought back to my "situation" only one person knows about it. and i thought to myself if that was me, and someone was telling me yeah shit happens id be pissed off. these writers sure as heck dont know whats going on with the economy. people loosing their jobs, loosing their homes, loosing everything and with families to support. what the fuck. People get a much needed reality check and look around you. yeah its just a song but its a fucked up song that should have NOT been released. I pray your never in a situation like most Americans are in today. thank goodness people helped my family and i out of ours. We will be forever eternally greatful to them.

Sounds Like Life

Untitled.

Its 12:45 AM and i need to pee. I'm in my room, no lights are on except for the glow of my lap top. (yes my lap top glows. Its is the Savior of lap tops) There's no sound. None. Monotonous. Listening to my ipod, Couldn't stand the silence. I leave my pod on shuffle it plays a random song each time i press play and the song it goes to? "Thinking of You" by Katy Perry. Bah-Humbergh! I need to clean my room. Badly. there's dust bunnies everywhere, pens scattered accross the floor, tiny scraps of paper, and my comforter has found sanctuary by being bunched up in a corner. gah. I found a picture online, it's really pretty, thinking of this gives me peace. A comforting feeling, knowing that in my dreams he'll always be with me. Willingly. In my dreams our love will never end and we'll spend everyday falling deeper and deeper in love, staring up at the sky like the couple in this photograph. Wait erase that, we ARE the couple holding hands, in love, Knowing it's just them on earth at that moment, having no worries, having nothing but adoration towards each other.

It's just you & i.

Kiss Me Quick but Make it Last....

He's everyehere. And i do mean everywhere. He's in my dreams, where he is making me trip over my feet, drool, and make my mind blank when he looks at me or speaks to me, he makes me laugh out loud while im asleep. he's always on my mind which only makes it seem like im insane because either im giggling or i have a permanent smile attatched and no way to wipe it off. most of all he's always around, Im walking down the street i see someone who looks like him. I can't help but see him everywhere.

Hmm, tired. for once im going to bed before 2 AM.

"I wish i could hear your voice,

Don't leave me alone in this bed.

I wish i could touch you once more,

Dont leave me alone in this bed.

Not tonight. Not tomorrow."

Oops I.....Again?

Vegas, yes the biggest little city in the world. && I am going for my 21st birthday. What was supposed to be a trip with my girlie bestie friend has turned into a semi-massive outing with my girlie bestie, my co-worker bestie &&&&&!!!!!!!!!! The guy i would give anything and everything to be with again. *sigh* yeah i kno what ur thinkin 'Jess whatf is wrong wit u!' but come on it wouldnt be a HAPPY Birthday without him. Funny thing is im stoked! By the way, i am also attending his graduation. tehehe.

Heart Domination

The heart wants, what the heart wants. You can't deny it anything. As hard as you may try, you simply cannot. I think I finally won the fight though...My heart has no choice but to step down, because what it wants...is gone. He left a very long time ago. And he's never coming back. 

Can't sleep, I swear this is getting too out of hand. Thinking about him 24/7??? It's not healthy, listening to Mariah Carey, Framing Hanley, ugh NOT good. Wishing he were mine. The Worst! He goes back home tomorrow, or should i say today. Time goes by quickly when ur submitting yourself into a deep endless drunken stupor. This will soon go away....i assume. Right now i cannot feel a thing i'm numb and empty. An empty numb cold shell. Sometimes, when i'm walking down the street or at the grocery store, i swear i see him...someone thatlooks like him and my heart breaks all over. The pain is so strong, i collapse a little. Dreaming, however, doesn't compare. 

"It doesn't matter where you are,

I'll hold you again.

I wish i could hear your voice, 

Don't leave me alone in this bed."

I'm gonna say goodbye, I dont know when but i will.

Looking into the distance,
it looks like she's staring right at him.
her eyes well up with tears,
shes about to let him go.

Hugging herself,
The words right at the tip of her tounge.
Breathing him in for one last time,
she let's the words come out

'It's time i let you go...'
'you don't care about us.'
"i care more than you know'
'Then don't do this.'
'I have to'
'Your gonna regret this'
'tell me about it.'
'I'm not coming back'
'I know....'

Walking away her feet give way.
Down she falls onto the ground
His scent was her last breath
Her last breath she ever took...