Jessica

Our fate has been decided,
played out like a game of chess.
It's not by chance I met you,
dear Jessica Martinez.

Though I don't know you long,
We get along rather well.
Its only been but a few months,
and already we're like Jacob and Bell.

Our relationship is book-defying,
and it may make God pist.
But I want you to know,
how meaningful your friendship is

You multiply my joy,
whenever I feel happy.
And whenever you're down,
it makes me feel crappy.

I feel a bond towards you,
like to none other before.
A bond that extends from you,
to myself in Singapore.

By Emre Abdul

Thank you :)

Home

Seconds before i breathe my last breath i notice something in the distance...Someone. Running towards me, calling out my name although it sounds like a whisper to me, i know that person is yelling at the top of....his lungs? But it's too late now, I've been struck. Wounded. Abandoned and left for dead. Laying on the grass the scenery made perfect for a romantic scene in a movie. Green flowing grass, clear blue skies, wind soft as a feather carrying the scent of a beautiful morning sunrise. The wound I've been brutally given doesn't pulse with hurt anymore, i am numb. Feeling only his presence when he comes and takes me in his arms. Seeing his face, a mixture of shock, anger, dread, and longing cross his face all at once, like fireworks, one right after the other in a long sequence eventually stopping signaling the end of the show. The end of my life. With one aware look i mouth the words 'I love you.' Dropping a note in his palm that reads:

'I'm hearing you breathing

for the last time.

A song for my heart.

But when it is quiet,

you know what it means and

please carry me home.'

'Carry You Home' By James Blunt.

Loneliness of One (part II)

pointless.

Everything seems like its out of place. Like im the only one who knows somethings changed. i dont know how to say it, how to phrase it, but i'll try,after all what do i have to loose? Nothing, not anymore. Something's changed in our friendship, i used to feel like i could talk to him about anything but now, i feel like he's pushing me away. It's almost like...he doesnt love me anymore. i'm not the one he couldnt live without anymore....i feel it. somethings changed and its major i cant let him go because i made him my everything because he fit the description he used to always be there for me. never faltered now i feel this dark empty void in my soul where he once was. i just wish he'd tell me that its over he doesnt feel a thing for me. other than friendship. Maybe then i can stop fighting for his love and give in to the dark abyss where nothing means nothing and i wont feel anything anymore. not love not friendship nothing. ill be the ant-social loaner i was before him.

i need someone to talk to...

I'm sitting outside its midnight, and im freezing. Im wearing a sweater but its so light it feels like im not wearing it at all. My lap top is between my legs && im listening to the same song i listened to that day he broke up with me. I finally did it. I pushed him away, so far i wouldnt blame him if he never came back. I wouldn't.If it were someone else. I know, no matter what i say, i would always come back to him. I'm writing tonight not with a broken heart but with a shattered heart, the pieces being torn more than they already are. I can feel my heart bleeding. I dug my own grave and now im buried deep inside it, kicking and screaming punching holes in that nailed shut casket wishing and hoping for someone to hear me. But they don''t and im stuck inside it living with the fact that it's my own fault its my stupidity that led to my demise. The breeze is picking up making my body even colder but i don't care, because the one person who kept me warm, kept me alive and loved me is gone. Sometimes when i need him i close my eyes, and i swear i can feel him his arms wrapped around me not saying a word, just holding me. I closed my eyes a minute ago and i felt nothing. I didn't feel that energy from him. I've never felt so alone. But like Ben said, 'deal with it' i am the reason im feeling this way i asked for it. I face a cold empty emotionless road ahead of me. All alone i'll let the cold enrapture me, and listen intently as my heart finally gives out.

"Your always on my heart

Your always on my mind.

When it all becomes too much,

Your never far behind,

And there's no one that comes close to you

Could ever take your place

Cause only You can love me this way."

Encore.

I was right. Usually being right calls for celebration and endless gloating. This version of being 'right' calls for deep depression and a sleepless night. In the back of my mind i knew this day would come. Where he finally says 'I dont like u as much as u like me' code for yeah i've moved on. I just didn't think it'd be here so soon. But now that it is, i can finally be careless, I just want to sink into the deepest hole on earth and scream and shout and cry. Let everyone know that i'm hurting and im hurting badly. But in the end ill suck it up, knowing that that kind of behavior is not acceptable. I resort to screaming into my pillow allowing myself the night to be pathetic, melodramatic, and a nuisance. Starting tonight.

There Goes My Hero.

There's a song by Paramore, its called My Hero..their version of the song made famous in the Superman movie by someone else. This songs purpose is made simple and self explanatory just by reading the title. I have a hero,someone i know will be there for me through everything because he hasn't failed yet. There are countless things he knows about me that others dont. There's so much i have confessed to him, that i find difficult to even think about discussing with someone else. However, thinking now, and i know im going to get my ass kicked for attacking him out of the random blue moon, but Why do i have these feelings for someone who obviously doesn't have them back for me? I tell him everyday how much he means to me, how much he amazes me, with every compliment i give him everyday. Tonight i'm thoughtful. and in fear. Im hopelessly and undeniably in love with him. and i make that fact known everyday....however he doesn't say anything back just laughs. and sometimes it makes me wonder...does he still feel the same way about me? there are some things that lead me to believe there's nothing left between us.We used to speak almost all day, now? we spend moments talking...hardly. i miss how we used to be, open and inseparable. now i just feel like i lost him. which makes me think theres someone else and that thought hurts. more than i thought it would. no matter what ill never be prepared for that time when he finally gets a gf and tells me. im still determined more than ever to just simply drop out of the picture for good. I know i wont be able to survive without him but ill manage to succumb to the empty hole he'll leave in my heart, and spend my life asking myself...why not me.

My Hero - Paramore